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As I’ve worked with married couples over the past few decades, some consistent issues couples face just kept popping up. And no matter what I did, I just couldn’t figure them out—until a few years ago.

Mystery 1: Why do some married people respond to marriage advice while others don’t?

Mystery 2: Why would someone get a divorce without first seeking help?

Mystery 3: What makes some couples thrive, some quit, and others just survive?

Surprisingly, I found the answers when I wasn’t looking. While studying Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on what makes happy couples happy, I learned that happy couples think in a way unhappy couples don’t. It also revealed the No. 1 reason some marriages grow, and others don’t.

For your marriage to grow, you must have a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset.

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